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My Review of Lord of the Rings: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 7, Part 2

Posted: August 9th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Long | 9 Comments »

I’ve finally seen the latest Lord of the Rings movie and I’d like to review it. It’s called Lord of the Rings: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 7, Part 2.

Well, first of all I just want to say: boy am I confused!

I mean, I know there’s a lot of backstory, but sheesh! In case you didn’t see the first 10 films, there were a bunch of rings and Sauron gave them out to all these people and elves and gnomes and jeez, I guess Harry Potter had to destroy them and it takes him like 11 hours of film just to destroy the first one!

However, skip centuries into the future and the predictable hobbit is still traveling around, hunting down rings and killing them. That’s when this movie takes place. And by this time, the rings are getting much craftier! Sure, there’s one he finds and puts around his neck as per the standard operating procedure, but the other rings disguise themselves as a cup and a tiara!

But this doesn’t stop Harry Potter because after centuries of Gandalf’s training in hunting down rings, he is so badass that he can just sense them (but don’t confuse this with having had Jedi training–that’s a completely different film series).

In the films just before Part 7, Part 2, we saw what terrible things happened to the elves–they’re all slaves of humans and have grown all shriveled and short! Of course, they do revolt and some become cool again (like Dobby, who is pretty much the Golem of elves), but they can never grow tall again, or speak in dark ominous tones. So sad!

Because of what happened to the elves, you may have been worried that an equally horrendous fate had happened to the gnomes, but no! They are still hanging out collecting gold in caves. No worries!

But I know what you’re thinking because it’s pretty much in the title of the film: what are the Deathly Hallows??!! Well, think no more. They are basically a bunch of evil things that make someone better than everyone else if they have them, so obviously they need to be destroyed! Even though the job of hunting rings is pretty taxing, Harry Potter takes on the extra job of hunting down the Deathly Hallows. And I know these jobs don’t pay well because Harry Potter lives in a tent!

If Harry Potter didn’t already have to worry about all those rings, he probably could have handled the three Deathly Hallows easily. However, by the end of this film Harry Potter and his two friends, Samwise Gamgee and the vampire slayer character, are all corrupted and aren’t able to do their jobs well, because they just have too much work to do and get really crabby all the time.

When it comes time to destroy the Resurrection Stone, Harry Potter just leaves it in the forest.

When it comes time to destroy the Elder Wand, Samwise is all, “Think what we could do with it!” It is only with the strongest fortitude Harry Potter can muster on the spot that he can bring himself to break the twig-like Elder Wand.

Of course, the third Deathly Hallow is kept close to Harry Potter–the Cloak of Invisibility. He is either completely corrupted by the evil rings and/or hallows and can’t bring himself to destroy it, or he just figures since he carted around a ring of invisibility for so long, a cloak of invisibility is no big deal.

I found this latest film to be an action-packed romp. I would have liked to have seen more of Gandalf, but I understand if he can only be brought back from the dead so many times. Shelob’s part, too, was kind of diminished, I thought. All in all, though, I’m looking forward to the prequel that comes out soon, called Lord of the Rings: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Part 1 the First, which tells the story of how Headmaster Gandalf came across Harry Potter’s uncle’s place.


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9 Comments on “My Review of Lord of the Rings: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 7, Part 2”

  1. 1 Shawn Kilburn said at 9:15 am on August 9th, 2011:

    Classic!
    I laughed, I cried, I got spoiled.

    (**KLAXON** ALERT! **KLAXON**)

  2. 2 aarondietz said at 7:17 pm on August 9th, 2011:

    Thanks, Shawn!

    Is it too soon to not call “SPOILERS” on Harry Potter stuff? It’s almost as prevalent as Star Wars.

  3. 3 Jessi Miller said at 8:02 pm on August 9th, 2011:

    Hilarious!!
    rLOL !! (That’s my “REAL laugh out loud” – since typing lol is a habit that shows humor-intent but doesn’t really mean someone is laughing out loud any more, much less laughing their ass off or rolling on the floor).

  4. 4 kreiy said at 8:50 pm on August 9th, 2011:

    LOL Smoke crack much?

  5. 5 aarondietz said at 9:29 pm on August 9th, 2011:

    Thanks, Jessi! Please accept my rThanks, too!

    Kreiy – it’s probably a good thing I don’t!

  6. 6 Randy said at 3:28 pm on February 13th, 2012:

    All those rings and not a pawn shop in sight. I’m betting they’d bring top dollar on Pawn Stars.

  7. 7 aarondietz said at 9:07 am on February 14th, 2012:

    Yeah, they can’t just pawn off the rings, Randy–that would decrease the amount of film by about 20 hours! And that’s less money for them to make. But then again, they’d get a little cash from the rings, so…maybe that’s about even?

  8. 8 Randy said at 4:11 pm on August 18th, 2014:

    You need to redo this one for book The Hunger Divergent Maze Giver Games.

  9. 9 aarondietz said at 4:50 pm on August 19th, 2014:

    No doubt! But then I’d actually have to read and/or watch those books/shows. Hm….


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