July 28th, 2006 by aarondietz

Corporations are sometimes evil. Sometimes they are not evil but they still do evil things. Today, I’m going to tell you why corporations are good, especially when compared to, say, politicians.

And here is why: corporations have to pay attention to their constituents.

And their constituents are you, the consumer!

If you are not buying their product, corporations have to change in order to give you what you want (otherwise, they will not make any money). If they are out there being evil, shoving processed food out on the market, hiring slave labor, etcetera, then you have only yourself to blame (collectively, as a population of consumers, that is – I’m sure YOU, personally, never support such corporations). Ultimately, if all consumers purchased responsibly, corporations would behave responsibly (with a few exceptions – see below).

Politicians, however, only need to pay attention to you during election time. And even then, they know that having money for TV commercials will be much more important than any stand they can take on any particular issue. So, essentially, their constituents are wealthy lobby groups and…corporations. Hmmm. But the corporations are supported by US! That means we could take over this damned country! We only need to purchase responsibly and our attitudes toward commerce will “trickle up.”

Exception to the rule: In cases where corporations only sell to politicians (I’m thinking of defense contracts, here), the “trickle up” theory breaks down. Too bad. We almost had them.

July 19th, 2006 by aarondietz

I’m pretty confident I’ve figured out the title of my first book of blogs, so I’m going to list the best of the titles I discarded:

I Am Better Than You

I Wish I Was Humble

Jumbotronic

July 12th, 2006 by aarondietz

Seattle, WA – An unidentified woman was seen outside a clothing store having uncontrollable fits of hysteria.

Witnesses say she exited the popular store, at approximately 4:25pm saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.”

She then rushed to her friends and said, “You have to see this.”

She held her bag open while her friends gazed at the recent purchase.

“Isn’t it the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?” the woman asked.

“Oh my God,” said one of her friends, reaching in the bag to touch it.

July 6th, 2006 by aarondietz

Norse god seeks woman who doesn’t get jealous

What Thor means when he says thou must not get jealous is that thou must not get jealous of Thor’s mighty hair! But it matters not, for once thou hast ridden the mighty Thor, thou will return to Thor as if by magic, just like mine magic hammer, Mjolnir. Mine Mjolnir is capable of many things, one of them thou will experience as “awesome superhero hammer juice.” No, Thor will not explain! Thor seeks a woman who will accompany Thor on moonlight flying, long walks in Asgard, and movie watching (but no horror movies with scary children in them – they are too scary because Thor cannot bring himself to smash kids’ faces in with Mjolnir, so what can Thor do against such a menace?).