In 2013, Aaron Dietz will produce 12 books in 12 months. Find out more here.

War Horse: An Alternative History

Posted: February 9th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Long | 4 Comments »

Rarely does a director ask, “What if I took all kinds of characters from other movies and threw them into a historical movie to see what history would be like?!!?! LOL?!”

War Horse tackles this startlingly experimental narrative landscape with aplomb!

First off: the goofy kid who was the main character. It’s Goofy from all those Disney cartoons! He rarely speaks, has a positive attitude, and he likes wearing vests. No other character in the universe could have believably given such a goofy grin while gazing at a newborn foal. Only Goofy could have pulled that off! Read the rest of this entry »


How to Avoid a Farmer’s Tan

Posted: September 6th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Documentation, Funny, Other People | No Comments »

It’s 1993 or so. Summer. I’m working in a corn field, with Dave.

Dave says, “I hate getting a farmer’s tan.”

I say, “Then roll up your sleeves.”

He rolls up the sleeves on his t-shirt. “It’s kind of uncomfy,” he says.

“It’s an old t-shirt that you probably don’t care about. Just tear your sleeves off. That’s what I do.”

He grabs a sleeve and pulls. His shirt rips down the middle of his chest. The rest of the morning it hangs on him by one shoulder.

We come in to the shed for lunch. Our boss gives Dave a weird look.

Dave says, “Don’t ask.”


I Invented Seattle

Posted: August 18th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Short | No Comments »

I invented Seattle, once.

I did! I thought it up, right down to the name.

Later, I discovered someone else thought it up before me and built the whole thing!

So I moved there to check it out. Not bad!

My idea was to have conveyor belts instead of sidewalks, but whatever. Still pretty decent.


My Review of Lord of the Rings: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 7, Part 2

Posted: August 9th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Long | 7 Comments »

I’ve finally seen the latest Lord of the Rings movie and I’d like to review it. It’s called Lord of the Rings: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 7, Part 2.

Well, first of all I just want to say: boy am I confused!

I mean, I know there’s a lot of backstory, but sheesh! In case you didn’t see the first 10 films, there were a bunch of rings and Sauron gave them out to all these people and elves and gnomes and jeez, I guess Harry Potter had to destroy them and it takes him like 11 hours of film just to destroy the first one! Read the rest of this entry »


Super: Page 67

Posted: January 7th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Other People, Super Blog Posts, With Pictures | No Comments »

Super: Page 67

At The Nervous Breakdown Literary Experience in Seattle in September of 2010, I did a live reading of this chapter as a simulated meeting of superheroes.

Thanks to Arianne Garden Vazquez of Crash Film School for videotaping the reading, and thanks to Priya Keefe and Chris Hammersley for playing the parts of Moonclaw and Auslander!

To produce your own copy of the book, print each page, and see the Super binding instructions (for personal use only–you may not sell or distribute copies of this content).

Super is a novel written by Aaron Dietz, designed by Charlie Potter, and published by Emergency Press. Buy a copy of Super on Amazon (also available on many other sites).


Super Release Party

Posted: November 1st, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Other People, Super Blog Posts, With Pictures | No Comments »

The Super Release Party occurred on November 9, 2010, at the Hideout, in Seattle.

Over 50 superheroes were in attendance, and Tom Hansen (author of American Junkie) and Lauren Hoffman (author of When You I Feel Because) were guest readers. Any super villains that attended were on their best behavior.

The Super release party video was produced by the talented team of Arianne Garden Vazquez and Chris Hammersley.


Super Mash-Up 1

Posted: October 31st, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Other People, Random, Super Blog Posts, With Pictures | 1 Comment »

Vincent Truman created this mash-up of performances based on or in support of Super. The original performances came from civilians and superheroes from all over the world who wanted to support the book.

I can’t thank Vincent enough, especially as he was only hours off of his fantastic project, The Observatory, when he started putting this video together (a DVD of his recent play will soon be available in case you didn’t catch it in Chicago).

It’s been hinted that Vincent Truman may even do another of these Super Mash-Ups, so if you’re interested in contributing content, contact writer@aarondietz.us for details or just post a YouTube video based on Super and send me the link.


Quotes From Super

Posted: September 21st, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Super Blog Posts | No Comments »

Quotes from my novel are up on the Super page of my Web site. I’m also printing a few here. Exclusive content, some of it!

“That’s the bad thing about cable–it takes longer to decide nothing’s on because you have to flip through more channels.” -Alabaster Wight

“You’d think time travel would be a pretty cool power to have but it’s not. Most of the time, you’re told what to do by various versions of yourself who are from some future time in which you’ve really messed things up.” -Apostolos

“Anti-Terrorist Bomb Squad is highly entertaining to play, but it fails miserable as a socially responsible video game.” -Jerboa

“I know Superheroes aren’t supposed to drink so much, but lately that’s the only way I can get out of the costume.” -Alabaster Wight

“That’s funny. I usually keep the rock slab in the closet.” -Auslander

Oh, and if you’re interested, ask me about the Super Action Team–it’s an opportunity for you to receive my undying gratitude for doing very little work to help me promote my book.


Top Time-Travel Movies of All Time

Posted: September 2nd, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Serious | No Comments »

This list is, of course, final. If you were thinking of making one of the best movies about time travel in the near future, you’re too late, unless it’s autobiographical. Because then you’d be a time traveler. So you could change time and stuff. Get it? Never mind.

1. Timecrimes. When you watch this, at first you’re all, that’s some freaky stuff! Then, you’re all, Soylent Green is people (except people is me)! And finally you start to figure everything out, and it’s still interesting. Even without time travel ability, I can already tell it’s better than the Tom Cruise knock-off version that’s scheduled to come out in 2012.

2. Twelve Monkeys. Possibly the best use for Brad Pitt yet.

3. Primer. Brilliant film, though I still can’t figure this one out. That bit about the party confuses me. What exactly happened there?

4. The Sticky Fingers of Time. Like any movie that combines time-travel with bisexual adventures and bionic parts, this movie is a classic.

5. Back to the Future. It’s just a very fun movie. It’s like the first Matrix, only from a different decade, with different technology, and a totally different plot.

6. Time Bandits. Honestly, I don’t remember this movie. I remember enjoying it, but I couldn’t tell you what happened. I just included it in this list because I know someone will be all, “Hey, what about Time Bandits?”

7. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn. Technically, not a time travel movie at all, but it’s way better than Star Trek IV.


Super: Editor’s Comments on the Manuscript

Posted: August 24th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Funny, Super Blog Posts | No Comments »

During the writing of Super, I kept track of a few funny, interesting, or odd comments left by my editor from the many edits of my manuscript. And here they are:

This seems like a lot for such a short paragraph.

Costume repair.

Drugs?

Does it have to be Bob? Could it be Gary? Or Frank?

Run like hell

Is this like she’s making soup?

Guns shoot bullets, and people load bullets into guns.

Yes, more wild. Wild it.

What other sites would terrorists be smart to attack in the U.S.?

Now the book gets interesting! (p. 153)

Opened 5-gallon pickle buckets.

Yep. NOW, and only NOW are you funny. (p. 161)