September 2nd, 2010 by aarondietz

This list is, of course, final. If you were thinking of making one of the best movies about time travel in the near future, you’re too late, unless it’s autobiographical. Because then you’d be a time traveler. So you could change time and stuff. Get it? Never mind.

1. Timecrimes. When you watch this, at first you’re all, that’s some freaky stuff! Then, you’re all, Soylent Green is people (except people is me)! And finally you start to figure everything out, and it’s still interesting. Even without time travel ability, I can already tell it’s better than the Tom Cruise knock-off version that’s scheduled to come out in 2012.

2. Twelve Monkeys. Possibly the best use for Brad Pitt yet.

3. Primer. Brilliant film, though I still can’t figure this one out. That bit about the party confuses me. What exactly happened there?

4. The Sticky Fingers of Time. Like any movie that combines time-travel with bisexual adventures and bionic parts, this movie is a classic.

5. Back to the Future. It’s just a very fun movie. It’s like the first Matrix, only from a different decade, with different technology, and a totally different plot.

6. Time Bandits. Honestly, I don’t remember this movie. I remember enjoying it, but I couldn’t tell you what happened. I just included it in this list because I know someone will be all, “Hey, what about Time Bandits?”

7. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn. Technically, not a time travel movie at all, but it’s way better than Star Trek IV.

August 24th, 2010 by aarondietz

During the writing of Super, I kept track of a few funny, interesting, or odd comments left by my editor from the many edits of my manuscript. And here they are:

This seems like a lot for such a short paragraph.

Costume repair.

Drugs?

Does it have to be Bob? Could it be Gary? Or Frank?

Run like hell

Is this like she’s making soup?

Guns shoot bullets, and people load bullets into guns.

Yes, more wild. Wild it.

What other sites would terrorists be smart to attack in the U.S.?

Now the book gets interesting! (p. 153)

Opened 5-gallon pickle buckets.

Yep. NOW, and only NOW are you funny. (p. 161)

July 22nd, 2010 by aarondietz

You learn something every day.

July 13th, 2010 by aarondietz

Now listen here, ’cause when you’re as old as me, you gets knowledge about stuff and then on occasion you force-share it on people and you can’t force-share it on people who don’t listen.

I remember when Wyatt Earp invented the compooter quite well, because it was the day after the gunfight near the O.K. Corral, and me and Wyatt were all cooped up in the hotel, bored as a spent firecracker, what when Wyatt done said, “Jeeminee, homma’ homma’ g’boy!”

Which, if’n you knew Wyatt like I did, you knew that was Wyatt’s way of proposin’ an entirely new form of technology capable of doin’ stuff when people did stuff to tell it what to do, which, if’n you knew Wyatt, you knew he intended to call the “compooter” because, hot dog, that’s just obvious if’n you knew how he talked.

And that was the day we what wished the microchip to already have been invented because we couldn’t-a figure that part out.

The next day we sent McMasters out for ice cream and then made him eat it first so we know’d it weren’t poisoned.

June 28th, 2010 by aarondietz

I’ve always been kind of nice, so when I’m approaching the same street corner as someone else I tend to stop and let them go ahead, which seems to suit them fine, as they usually make no acknowledgement of my existence whatsoever.

This never surprises me, it being that people are selfish jerks and all.

But no! I’ve made a frightening discovery! Recently, I’ve changed jackets from a simple black pea coat to an attention-getting, weird (sort of Sgt. Pepper-y) jacket. Suddenly people wait for ME at street corners!

What a bunch of jerks! Being selfish and ignoring the existence of others is actually fairly reasonable behavior, seeing as how other people are also selfish jerks, but going out of your way just to treat others differently purely based on what they wear is another, far worse kind of idiocy!

June 15th, 2010 by aarondietz

The good thing about getting older is that there is less weirdness and fewer surprises.

Less Weirdness

You hug a friend in a train station in a city where you’ve never seen each other before. It’s not weird, because heck, by this time, you can’t even remember where you knew each other from anyway.

Fewer Surprises

There are fewer surprises because your memory is absent.

Oil spill? No surprise there–you’re not really sure if it’s a new one or the same one from before.

Ear buds not working in one ear? You’ve probably just gone deaf in one ear and forgot that you went deaf. Clearly nothing to worry about.

Aliens abducting you? For all you know, it happens every night. Why worry?

One Last Unrelated Thing

Go equality.

May 25th, 2010 by aarondietz

See that? I said “lost” without capitalizing it because I wasn’t talking about the TV show.

It happens.

May 17th, 2010 by aarondietz

So I saw this guy sitting on some steps the other day, and I was like, “Huh. Wonder what he’s doing?”

And then I realized what it was–he was doing nothing!

I totally want to try that someday. It looks awesome!

March 9th, 2010 by aarondietz

I’m walking across the street when a car screeches to a stop, nearly running me over.

“Hey moron,” says the driver out the window. “You need some kind of magical way to tell cars when you’re crossing or you’re going to get flattened!”

I stop in the middle of the road.

“You mean, like a stop sign?” I ask.

I put my hand on my forehead and close my eyes. Concentration! Then, I quickly shoot my other arm in the direction of the corner, where there is a stop sign.

“Better?” I ask.

The driver is not amused.

January 19th, 2010 by aarondietz

An ex-Marine is all trying to figure out what to do with his life when he starts hanging out with a bunch of his deceased brother’s friends.

Unfortunately for the ex-Marine, all of his brother’s friends are into Second Life, so he gets sucked into playing it, too.

He lives on some kind of military base or something where important dramatic things are happening but instead of getting involved, he plays Second Life all day. Then, he moves in to a trailer with his brother’s friends so they can play Second Life without any distractions.

He completes a bunch of awesome quests and stuff and even gets a Second Life girlfriend, though the movie never shows her IRL.

In fact, he gets so good at Second Life that his brother’s friends pretty much sit around and watch him play and feed him when he’s hungry, ’cause he’s a superstar.

Meanwhile, there’s some kind of war on.

The End.

In this breathtaking scene from Avatar, the ex-Marine and his friends watch what’s going on in Second Life.