August 18th, 2010 by aarondietz

Step 1: Come up with a nifty logo (this part was done by Charlie Potter,
who is the graphic designer and book designer for the book).

Step 2: Order pizza.

Step 3: While waiting for the pizza, cut the logo out of your stencil.

Step 4: Eat the pizza.

Step 5: Test your stencil using the pizza box. Does it look cool? Oh yes, it looks cool. Good job, you. CAUTION:
Do not vandalize other people’s property. It’s okay to spray paint your
own pizza box, but don’t spray paint anyone else’s. Or anyone else’s
other stuff. The principle (and law) applies to more than just pizza
boxes.

Step 6: Buy one of those glow-stick things for kids.

Step 7: Crack it and shake.

Step 8: Cut it open using a knife you don’t care about, and then drain it
into a plastic cup that you don’t care about. Cut slowly and carefully!
CAUTION: Do not actually do this stuff! It could be dangerous! At the
very least, get your publisher to do it while you shield and avert your
eyes! Special note to publishers: Don’t do it!

Step 9: Apply glow-in-the-dark mixture to stenciled paper.

Step 10: Stand back, and then say, “What the heck does RBZ mean?”

RBZ Logo by Charlie Potter.

For more info on the book, check here: http://aarondietz.us/super

July 22nd, 2010 by aarondietz

You learn something every day.

June 28th, 2010 by aarondietz

I’ve always been kind of nice, so when I’m approaching the same street corner as someone else I tend to stop and let them go ahead, which seems to suit them fine, as they usually make no acknowledgement of my existence whatsoever.

This never surprises me, it being that people are selfish jerks and all.

But no! I’ve made a frightening discovery! Recently, I’ve changed jackets from a simple black pea coat to an attention-getting, weird (sort of Sgt. Pepper-y) jacket. Suddenly people wait for ME at street corners!

What a bunch of jerks! Being selfish and ignoring the existence of others is actually fairly reasonable behavior, seeing as how other people are also selfish jerks, but going out of your way just to treat others differently purely based on what they wear is another, far worse kind of idiocy!

May 11th, 2010 by aarondietz

I have a novel coming out this fall called Super. It’ll be published by Emergency Press.

Do you want to see the cover? Oh, goodie! It’s a rough cover, and could change, but here it is at the moment.

The cover art and book design is by Charlie Potter. More on him later this month or so.

Oh hey, and you know what? It takes an army for a small press to get a book out. If you want to help or have suggestions, let me know. I have an entire insane plan in the works and there is a lot to do. I mean, I’ve spent over $30 on stickers already.

January 19th, 2010 by aarondietz

An ex-Marine is all trying to figure out what to do with his life when he starts hanging out with a bunch of his deceased brother’s friends.

Unfortunately for the ex-Marine, all of his brother’s friends are into Second Life, so he gets sucked into playing it, too.

He lives on some kind of military base or something where important dramatic things are happening but instead of getting involved, he plays Second Life all day. Then, he moves in to a trailer with his brother’s friends so they can play Second Life without any distractions.

He completes a bunch of awesome quests and stuff and even gets a Second Life girlfriend, though the movie never shows her IRL.

In fact, he gets so good at Second Life that his brother’s friends pretty much sit around and watch him play and feed him when he’s hungry, ’cause he’s a superstar.

Meanwhile, there’s some kind of war on.

The End.

In this breathtaking scene from Avatar, the ex-Marine and his friends watch what’s going on in Second Life.

November 9th, 2009 by aarondietz

Worried? Stressed out? Depressed? Don’t just read the book. You have to buy it.

Creepy!

June 29th, 2009 by aarondietz

Someone at the dry cleaner was bored and had a sense of humor.

Does this make it dry humor?

June 18th, 2009 by aarondietz

The following is based on events that occurred on June 1 through June 5.

The Spider
We’re leaving and I’m out of the house when the sweetheart goes back for something and then shouts at me to come back in. I come back in and this is on the wall:

It’s easily bigger than my hand. Covered in dust.

The sweetheart says, “It’s not that big, really.”

The Earthquake Museum
We go to the 9-21 Earthquake Museum, a place where they don’t just show you a bunch of pictures. You walk around on the site of a school that collapsed. You look through the classrooms that don’t have any walls left. You see the running track and its smooth curve interrupted by the earthquake’s fault line.

You also get to experience very participatory exhibits, like the one where you stand in a sound-proof bubble and yell as hard as you can (to see if you can yell loud enough to get help if you are ever trapped in an earthquake). I didn’t try my hardest, but I measured at 106 decibels. Is that loud enough? I hope so.

The Flight Home
The sweetheart takes me to the airport and I mention that I didn’t get to see the ocean from the plane, since during my previous flight, it was completely dark. And I have a precious aisle seat going back, so I probably won’t see much of it, still.

When I get to my seat on the plane, my neighbor says, “Would you be interested in taking a window seat so that my mother can sit with us?”

I say, “For your mother, I will do that.”

I’m sad to give up the aisle, but, I think, at least I’ll get to see the ocean, right?

When I get to the seat, I find out it’s an emergency escape aisle – spacious and wonderful, and so spacious that anyone can get out of their seat at any time without bugging the other two passengers.

Perfect.

June 13th, 2009 by aarondietz

The following is based on events that occurred on May 30 and 31.

A Hard-Worker and an Honest Face
While hiking in Hehuanshan, in central Taiwan, a man approaches us and says he can read faces. He says the sweetheart is tough and hard-working. He says I have an honest face.

The Bench on Top of the World
Still at Hehuanshan, the fog starts to roll in below us, turning an already scenic bench into the most spectacular bench in the clouds.

The Tree Tomato and Magic Tricks
That night, we stay at a bed & breakfast in the mountains, where our room has a tea nook with a view that rivals the one above. The owner entertains us with magic tricks and tells us that the juice we’re drinking is made fresh from the tree tomatoes that grow on a tree that we can see from the balcony. They also grow kiwi, mint, and about a thousand other things right there on the mountainside.

Sheep Show and a Yummy Leaf
Before we come down from the mountain, we take in a sheep show, where a sheep dog corrals a bunch of sheep so quickly that the people running the show have to make jokes for a half hour to make the show a half hour long. Then, we have lunch at a Buddhist vegetarian restaurant, where we eat a dish with a rare leaf in it that we will probably never get to eat again, since it only grows right there, as far as anyone knows. It was a yummy leaf.

June 3rd, 2009 by aarondietz

The following is based on events that occurred on May 27.

Before I left for Taiwan, I had an ear infection and antibiotics to take. I was also deaf in one ear, apparently because of congestion and water in the ear and whatnot, although the doctor used a more technical term.

On May 27th, I was still deaf in one ear and I was out of antibiotic, so we went to a Taiwanese hospital to see what’s going on. The doctor there said I still had a little infection, so he prescribed me an antibiotic and a decongestant.

Total cost: Even without Taiwanese insurance, it cost the equivelant of about $14 U.S. That’s less than my copay in the United States.

The whole process was very efficient, too. They put you on a list, call a number, and wallah! You are whisked through the system when your number comes up.