In 2013, Aaron Dietz will produce 12 books in 12 months. Find out more here.

How to Avoid a Farmer’s Tan

Posted: September 6th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Documentation, Funny, Other People | No Comments »

It’s 1993 or so. Summer. I’m working in a corn field, with Dave.

Dave says, “I hate getting a farmer’s tan.”

I say, “Then roll up your sleeves.”

He rolls up the sleeves on his t-shirt. “It’s kind of uncomfy,” he says.

“It’s an old t-shirt that you probably don’t care about. Just tear your sleeves off. That’s what I do.”

He grabs a sleeve and pulls. His shirt rips down the middle of his chest. The rest of the morning it hangs on him by one shoulder.

We come in to the shed for lunch. Our boss gives Dave a weird look.

Dave says, “Don’t ask.”


A Night with Phoenix Jones and Black Knight

Posted: June 15th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Documentation, Other People, Serious, Super Blog Posts, With Pictures | 7 Comments »

SEATTLE, WA — There is a sense of danger in the air. All we’re doing is walking around in the Pioneer Square area as bars let out for the night, but when you’re walking around with two real life superheroes looking for crime, it feels more dangerous somehow.

The two superheroes are Phoenix Jones and Black Knight. Their patrol is slowed by crowds of people wanting pictures with them. Phoenix is especially popular.

Someone says to Phoenix, “Hey, I’ve seen you on YouTube!” He smiles big at Phoenix and then looks at Black Knight. “Now you got a sidekick!”

“I’m not a sidekick,” Black Knight says. It’s the third time I’ve heard him say that. Read the rest of this entry »


I’m just like that Scott Pilgrim character!

Posted: September 13th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Documentation, Other People, Serious | No Comments »

Recently, I saw Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, a movie in which the main character dreams about someone he loves, then meets that person in real life.

This happened to me. Twice, actually. The first time, I woke up from the dream and couldn’t remember what she looked like but I remembered her name. My friends looked her up in the school directory, and there she was. She existed. I was too shy to ever pursue it, and so that’s that.

The second time it happened to me was even more strange.

During my senior year of high school, I had a dream with A__ in it (this time it was a girl I did know existed–she was in my Creative Writing class). I think we were at a baseball game or something, hanging out in a totally ordinary way. But in the dream I absolutely loved her. It was wonderful.

The next morning, I picked up my ex-girlfriend on the way to school, and I told her about the dream. She told me that she, too, had had a dream the previous night. In her dream, she absolutely loved M___, who happened to be A__’s ex-boyfriend.

Strange enough.

I went to class. In Creative Writing, we had an assignment due and that meant that during the class, we passed around our assignment for comments from our peers before turning it in. When it was my turn to read and comment on A__’s piece, I wrote, without signing my name, “You were in my dream last night.”

I watched the comment sheet go around the room, and when it got to A__, she read about halfway down (where my comment was), and then immediately turned to her friend, pointing at the paper.

Her friend looked, and then turned straight toward me and stared.


A light in the sky in New Mexico (Documentation)

Posted: September 11th, 2008 | Author: | Filed under: Documentation, Long, Other People | 2 Comments »

I was staying with a cousin in New Mexico, not far from Truth or Consequences but still well away from civilization.

To get there, my rental car climbed an unpaved, winding slope to a ranch with no neighboring houses in sight. A dog greeted me at the car and instantly peed on my suitcase.

When it was time for bed, I turned out the light in the guest room and was greeted by darkness that comes only from being nowhere near an artificial light. Even after ten minutes of adjusting, my eyes could not see the walls, the window, the sheets–not anything.

I was drifting off to sleep when I sensed light behind my eyelids. I opened my eyes. There was light coming from outside the window.

The light was bright, but I couldn’t see what was making the light because of the fog. It just hung there in the sky, never moving.

I watched it for what seemed like an hour, but was probably more like five minutes. Then I got bored and tried to go back to sleep.

Soon, the light went out. I knew this because I was still awake when I sensed darkness seize the space in front of my eyelids.

I opened my eyes. I couldn’t see anything.

The next morning, as I carried my newly-washed suitcase out to the car, I looked for a very tall post with a powerful light on it. There was nothing there.

I didn’t ask about the light. I didn’t want to bring up a potentially embarrassing feature of living there. Besides, my cousin was already embarrassed enough about the dog peeing on my suitcase.